Gilbert Gilhooley,here,ireland's number one gangster and thug.
it's defintely the computer age,i've just had my web designer,public relations and communications expert,fatso kelly,
design my latest website..www.protectionmoney.com,
now our customers can send their weekly instalments to us via the paypal
system,no problemo,it's easy peasy,comes off their visa or mastercards or
whatever one they have.saves a fortune on labour costs,having to send round a few of our lads with baseball bats,doesn't look good,know what i mean?
the traffic is fierce out there,the lads are forever moaning about the gridlock,it's very hard to find a space to park their sports utility vehicle and blah blah,they never shut up.
next they'll be wanting a lend of my maserati quattroporte.
i've been busy of late,two of my eldest sons just came into the business last week..and one of them,
al capone gilhooley,wants me to build him a recording studio for the up and coming rap artists of
tallaght and blanchardstown,he wants to be a famous record producer like that glutinous gobshite,simon
bowel or whatever his bleedin name is that's always on the telly.
da,da,he keeps going on,me and fatso junior(fatso kelly's son)have written this ace song-"bertie is a drumcondra bollacks",it's a cert for number 1 in the charts.
for our international readers,tallaght and blanchardstown are the hood districts of dublin,ireland.
i told al capone junior,i cannot liquidate any more of my extensive investments held offshore just like that,
there is a bastard organisation known as the criminal assets bureau(CAB)like the FBI one of whom called to my 7 bedroom
pad in ballsbridge recently with a search warrant and sarcastically and continuously remarked on my objets par excellence dotted about some of the rooms.
for our international readers,ballsbridge is a posh leafy area of dublin,the business hood of the city.it cost me 18 million euro to buy my place,bought with cash of course.
this CAB,FBI type smartarse picked up one of my faberge eggs and asked did i get it as an present from the Easter bunny?
i actually got some of them from a very high up big wig member of the irish parliament who we snapped
while out of his head on cocaine with a lady of the night who posed with him in all her brazilian waxed glory
having kindly removed her posh undercrackers for the benefit of the blackmail.
he was so full of snow,he tried to bagel the arse off the free standing dishwasher instead of the call girl.
he owns half of dublin and cork.
listen,i'm an ultra-high net worth individaul.
i have to make vast profits to keep the show on the road just like the buckers in the so called "reputable" business and politics
fields.
we are all of us collectors of loot,i am honest about my criminal business,i am not a shady businessman or creepy irish politico putting his paw
out to developers,sticking their fangs into the necks of their victims and sucking out their blood.
irish politicos are the most corrupt and biggest gangsters there are,i'm tellin ya.
we're raking in the money,too,this internet is rapid,fantastico,i might even buy al capone junior his rap recording studio after all,"bertie is a drumcondra bollacks" might make it to number 1 after all.
sure you have to look after your own,dont ya?
what you lookin' at,pal?
