Gilbert Gilhooley,here,ireland's number one gangster and thug.
it's defintely the computer age,i've just had my web designer,public relations and communications expert,fatso kelly,
design my latest website..www.protectionmoney.com,
now our customers can send their weekly instalments to us via the paypal
system,no problemo,it's easy peasy,comes off their visa or mastercards or
whatever one they have.saves a fortune on labour costs,having to send round a few of our lads with baseball bats,doesn't look good,know what i mean?
the traffic is fierce out there,the lads are forever moaning about the gridlock,it's very hard to find a space to park their sports utility vehicle and blah blah,they never shut up.
next they'll be wanting a lend of my maserati quattroporte.
i've been busy of late,two of my eldest sons just came into the business last week..and one of them,
al capone gilhooley,wants me to build him a recording studio for the up and coming rap artists of
tallaght and blanchardstown,he wants to be a famous record producer like that glutinous gobshite,simon
bowel or whatever his bleedin name is that's always on the telly.
da,da,he keeps going on,me and fatso junior(fatso kelly's son)have written this ace song-"bertie is a drumcondra bollacks",it's a cert for number 1 in the charts.
for our international readers,tallaght and blanchardstown are the hood districts of dublin,ireland.
i told al capone junior,i cannot liquidate any more of my extensive investments held offshore just like that,
there is a bastard organisation known as the criminal assets bureau(CAB)like the FBI one of whom called to my 7 bedroom
pad in ballsbridge recently with a search warrant and sarcastically and continuously remarked on my objets par excellence dotted about some of the rooms.
for our international readers,ballsbridge is a posh leafy area of dublin,the business hood of the city.it cost me 18 million euro to buy my place,bought with cash of course.
this CAB,FBI type smartarse picked up one of my faberge eggs and asked did i get it as an present from the Easter bunny?
i actually got some of them from a very high up big wig member of the irish parliament who we snapped
while out of his head on cocaine with a lady of the night who posed with him in all her brazilian waxed glory
having kindly removed her posh undercrackers for the benefit of the blackmail.
he was so full of snow,he tried to bagel the arse off the free standing dishwasher instead of the call girl.
he owns half of dublin and cork.
listen,i'm an ultra-high net worth individaul.
i have to make vast profits to keep the show on the road just like the buckers in the so called "reputable" business and politics
fields.
we are all of us collectors of loot,i am honest about my criminal business,i am not a shady businessman or creepy irish politico putting his paw
out to developers,sticking their fangs into the necks of their victims and sucking out their blood.
irish politicos are the most corrupt and biggest gangsters there are,i'm tellin ya.
we're raking in the money,too,this internet is rapid,fantastico,i might even buy al capone junior his rap recording studio after all,"bertie is a drumcondra bollacks" might make it to number 1 after all.
sure you have to look after your own,dont ya?
what you lookin' at,pal?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Mary Harney,Irish Minister of Fat Arses.
NAPPER TANDY,STAR NEWS CHIEF REPORTER TRIES TO MEASURE WIDTH OF MINISTER MARY HARNEY'S ARSE.
STAR NEWS CENTRE TO NAPPER TANDY.
Come in Napper,is your hangover finally gone?
over and out.
NAPPER TO SKY NEWS CENTRE.
Buck me hangover,i can't find a measuring tape.
STAR NEWS TO NAPPER.
A measuring tape for what purpose,Napper?
NAPPER TO SKY NEWS CENTRE.
For what purpose?
Have you forgotten my assignment?
I was warned by star news chief executive no less not to come back without the
precise measurement of the width of the arse of irish Minister of Hospital Patient Torture and Cruelty,Mary Harney.
Now i could make a good guess of the width of this bessie bunter's arse but yeah,you have it in one,
get the precise measurement i've been told..the precise measurement.
MINISTER MARY HARNEY TO THE PLAIN PEOPLE OF IRELAND AT PRESS INTERVIEW.
our health service in eire,i mean ireland is excellent,the envy of the solar system,we will create centres for excellence in 3021 ad,
i am sure of that.
elderly people tortured,children's kidney's removed by mistake,a mere trifle.
we have paid another fortune to a firm of consutants,i have their name here,yes,the firm of
Bureaucratic Tickbirds and Bone Polishing Consultants Ltd will receive fortunes to tell lies about the irish health service,
of course it will take them years to finish their report.
mmm,i'm really starving you know.
excuse me,while i put another half stone on my fat arse,just let me savage this Kerry Western Fried Hot Battery
Chicken wrap..yum yum,i love food,i love power without responsibility,i love talking shite,i simply love destroying the irish health service.
STAR NEWS TO NAPPER TANDY.
Napper,napper did you get all minister harney's press interview on camera?
and did you get the tape to measure the width of her arse?
NAPPER TO STAR NEWS CENTRE.
Affirmative,her arse measure 11 metres in width but i have a scoop for star news viewers.
ok,i also got the chance to measure minister harney's brass neck but i was unsuccessful,her brass neck is
immeasurable.
let me out of here,after hearing that harney garbage,i'm to the pub for a rake of gargle.
end.
STAR NEWS CENTRE TO NAPPER TANDY.
Come in Napper,is your hangover finally gone?
over and out.
NAPPER TO SKY NEWS CENTRE.
Buck me hangover,i can't find a measuring tape.
STAR NEWS TO NAPPER.
A measuring tape for what purpose,Napper?
NAPPER TO SKY NEWS CENTRE.
For what purpose?
Have you forgotten my assignment?
I was warned by star news chief executive no less not to come back without the
precise measurement of the width of the arse of irish Minister of Hospital Patient Torture and Cruelty,Mary Harney.
Now i could make a good guess of the width of this bessie bunter's arse but yeah,you have it in one,
get the precise measurement i've been told..the precise measurement.
MINISTER MARY HARNEY TO THE PLAIN PEOPLE OF IRELAND AT PRESS INTERVIEW.
our health service in eire,i mean ireland is excellent,the envy of the solar system,we will create centres for excellence in 3021 ad,
i am sure of that.
elderly people tortured,children's kidney's removed by mistake,a mere trifle.
we have paid another fortune to a firm of consutants,i have their name here,yes,the firm of
Bureaucratic Tickbirds and Bone Polishing Consultants Ltd will receive fortunes to tell lies about the irish health service,
of course it will take them years to finish their report.
mmm,i'm really starving you know.
excuse me,while i put another half stone on my fat arse,just let me savage this Kerry Western Fried Hot Battery
Chicken wrap..yum yum,i love food,i love power without responsibility,i love talking shite,i simply love destroying the irish health service.
STAR NEWS TO NAPPER TANDY.
Napper,napper did you get all minister harney's press interview on camera?
and did you get the tape to measure the width of her arse?
NAPPER TO STAR NEWS CENTRE.
Affirmative,her arse measure 11 metres in width but i have a scoop for star news viewers.
ok,i also got the chance to measure minister harney's brass neck but i was unsuccessful,her brass neck is
immeasurable.
let me out of here,after hearing that harney garbage,i'm to the pub for a rake of gargle.
end.
FIFA announces 2008 World Football X1.
FIFA today announced part of its WORLD FOOTBALL team of 2008.
Because FIFA are well fed,overpaid and underworked nose pickers,
they have decided to release the goalkeeping and defence positions only at the present time,when they are finished eating their fine paid for
meals and drinking their posh wines,
they will announce the midfiled and strikers.
"They'll select the rest of the team when they feel like it",one of the
lazy bone polishers said to associated press,he asked not to be identified.
GOALKEEPER-Javier Jabugo Pata Negra-Spain.
BACK FOUR-
Parmiano Reggiano-Italy.
Adolf Wiener Schnitzel-Austria.
Sven Smorgasbord-Sweden.
Fernando Fajitas-Mexico.
Manager of this notional World FOOTBALL team:
John Piles-Ireland.
Because FIFA are well fed,overpaid and underworked nose pickers,
they have decided to release the goalkeeping and defence positions only at the present time,when they are finished eating their fine paid for
meals and drinking their posh wines,
they will announce the midfiled and strikers.
"They'll select the rest of the team when they feel like it",one of the
lazy bone polishers said to associated press,he asked not to be identified.
GOALKEEPER-Javier Jabugo Pata Negra-Spain.
BACK FOUR-
Parmiano Reggiano-Italy.
Adolf Wiener Schnitzel-Austria.
Sven Smorgasbord-Sweden.
Fernando Fajitas-Mexico.
Manager of this notional World FOOTBALL team:
John Piles-Ireland.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Time Team Tony,Mean Celebrity Bonepolisher.
TIME TEAM TONY(ROBINSON.)
Who is the meanest bastard "celebrity" you know of?
Remember baldrick from blackadder,this little man pops up everywhere on tv today,if he isnt
getting hysterical about a piece of crap from anglo saxon,moxy viking or bronze age times such as a sliver of pottery from a bockety 10,000 year old jug,he's
ranting on about some crap bog cleaner called "domestos" in an advert voice over.
are you not rich enough,you little money monopolising bastard baldrick?
can you not give the advert gig to some struggling actor who actually needs the money?
are you a multi-millionaire or a billionaire,dying to get up to number 1 in the sunday times rich list?
do you go home to one of your six houses in surrey and five apartments in the bahamas after unearthing a turd from the roman 3rd century behind hadrian's wall?
this blokes real name or is it a stage name is tony robinson.
would you not f**** off tony and flush yourself away with "domestos"down the crapper out of decent people's lives?
Who is the meanest bastard "celebrity" you know of?
Remember baldrick from blackadder,this little man pops up everywhere on tv today,if he isnt
getting hysterical about a piece of crap from anglo saxon,moxy viking or bronze age times such as a sliver of pottery from a bockety 10,000 year old jug,he's
ranting on about some crap bog cleaner called "domestos" in an advert voice over.
are you not rich enough,you little money monopolising bastard baldrick?
can you not give the advert gig to some struggling actor who actually needs the money?
are you a multi-millionaire or a billionaire,dying to get up to number 1 in the sunday times rich list?
do you go home to one of your six houses in surrey and five apartments in the bahamas after unearthing a turd from the roman 3rd century behind hadrian's wall?
this blokes real name or is it a stage name is tony robinson.
would you not f**** off tony and flush yourself away with "domestos"down the crapper out of decent people's lives?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
New automatic arse-washing-and-drying device for irish government ministers.
NEWSFLASH:
NEW COMPUTERISED,REMOTELY CONTROLLED ARSE WASHING DEVICE FOR LAZY IRISH GOVERNMENT POLITICIANS.
automatic arse-washing-and-drying toilets or bidet seats as they are known in the offices and luxury houses of the irish times newspaper editors and executives
are to be installed in dail eireann(irish parliament) and in the upmarket hotels,public houses and race courses where irish government politicians and
ministers are almost always found.
for our international readers,irish government ministers are allergic to work and downright incompetent,even sicilian politicos in the pay of the mafia consider irish politicians totally corrupt.
many irish parliament politicians have brothers and sisters and aunts and husbands,pets,flunkies, and wives and every class of relation in the business,it really is a family affair in the irish parliament,if you dont have a relative
in the irish parliament,you havent a chance of getting elected(99.9 % of the irish people).
the prime minister of ireland's father passed his seat onto his son,there are 3 siblings from the same family amongst 166 members of parliament,you get the picture,it's an exclusive club for hand me downs to me sons and daughters.
each lazy bastard irish politician will be provided with a remote control to wipe their lazy arses next week it is believed from sources deep inside somewhere.
there is washing of the area,drying,massaging,enema,deodoriser,you get the picture?
sleeveenism and begobbery were rampant in irish politics when the lord lieutenants from great britain ran and exploited our beautiful country decades ago over hundreds of years
but it's far worse when your own kind(supposedly) are the lazy bastards misruling the citizens.
criminals are two a penny everywhere in ireland today(that's outside the irish chamber by the way),the health service has collapsed,old people are tortured in hospitals and the rich tax thieving tax exile bastards get richer every day in ireland at the expense of the ordinary man and woman.
government cabinet ministers,martin cullen,willie the kid o'dea,gargantuan mary harney were amongst the first to rush out for their arse-washing device.
end.
NEW COMPUTERISED,REMOTELY CONTROLLED ARSE WASHING DEVICE FOR LAZY IRISH GOVERNMENT POLITICIANS.
automatic arse-washing-and-drying toilets or bidet seats as they are known in the offices and luxury houses of the irish times newspaper editors and executives
are to be installed in dail eireann(irish parliament) and in the upmarket hotels,public houses and race courses where irish government politicians and
ministers are almost always found.
for our international readers,irish government ministers are allergic to work and downright incompetent,even sicilian politicos in the pay of the mafia consider irish politicians totally corrupt.
many irish parliament politicians have brothers and sisters and aunts and husbands,pets,flunkies, and wives and every class of relation in the business,it really is a family affair in the irish parliament,if you dont have a relative
in the irish parliament,you havent a chance of getting elected(99.9 % of the irish people).
the prime minister of ireland's father passed his seat onto his son,there are 3 siblings from the same family amongst 166 members of parliament,you get the picture,it's an exclusive club for hand me downs to me sons and daughters.
each lazy bastard irish politician will be provided with a remote control to wipe their lazy arses next week it is believed from sources deep inside somewhere.
there is washing of the area,drying,massaging,enema,deodoriser,you get the picture?
sleeveenism and begobbery were rampant in irish politics when the lord lieutenants from great britain ran and exploited our beautiful country decades ago over hundreds of years
but it's far worse when your own kind(supposedly) are the lazy bastards misruling the citizens.
criminals are two a penny everywhere in ireland today(that's outside the irish chamber by the way),the health service has collapsed,old people are tortured in hospitals and the rich tax thieving tax exile bastards get richer every day in ireland at the expense of the ordinary man and woman.
government cabinet ministers,martin cullen,willie the kid o'dea,gargantuan mary harney were amongst the first to rush out for their arse-washing device.
end.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
AL GORE,AND MICHAEL MOORE,PUBLICITY WHORE.
AL GORE,PUBLICITY WHORE INTERVIEWED BY MICHAEL MOORE,PUBLICITY WHORE.
MICHAEL TO AL.
Hi al,baby,your new dreadlocks look cool,dude.
and those toeless sandals are simply awesome,man.
save the tofu,brother,save the tofu.
AL TO MIKE.
these new dreadlocks are my personal carbon footprint to the planet,baby.
share the love,share the love.
MIKE TO AL.
Hug me al,this junkie dude just ransacked one of my several wind powered homes..i didnt phone the pigs,al, i just hugged the guy,hey,he's a hippie like us..the guy said thanks dumbass,he'd hug a tree
for me on the way back to his dealer.
AL TO MIKE.
check this out,dude.
I'm releasing a press statement to the world's media,mike that this is the best time of year for the people of the united states to eat parsnips.
MIKE TO AL.
awesome,man,that is a-w-e-s-o-m-e.
share the love,baby,share the love,come here al,let me hug ya man.
AL TO MIKE.
er..no thanks,mike.
you could sure do with a wash,mike...or maybe recycle those gross underpants you're wearing.
MIKE TO AL.
sure al.
Hey man,i bought a new Toyota Prius,guess what,al,it's powered by parsnip juice,so i wont just get to eat those parsnips,man,they can power my new
batmobile,hey man,that's awesome.
AL TO MIKE.
well,this interview is coming to its end,mike,
i'm flying several billion miles later on this evening,jeeze,so what if i'm using up more energy than
every single commie factory in eastern china put together,but i'm well on my way to being a trillionaire and
becoming master of the green universe,that's all that counts.
MIKE TO AL.
share the love,baby,share the love.
save all the racoons,man,save all the racoons,brother.
end.
MICHAEL TO AL.
Hi al,baby,your new dreadlocks look cool,dude.
and those toeless sandals are simply awesome,man.
save the tofu,brother,save the tofu.
AL TO MIKE.
these new dreadlocks are my personal carbon footprint to the planet,baby.
share the love,share the love.
MIKE TO AL.
Hug me al,this junkie dude just ransacked one of my several wind powered homes..i didnt phone the pigs,al, i just hugged the guy,hey,he's a hippie like us..the guy said thanks dumbass,he'd hug a tree
for me on the way back to his dealer.
AL TO MIKE.
check this out,dude.
I'm releasing a press statement to the world's media,mike that this is the best time of year for the people of the united states to eat parsnips.
MIKE TO AL.
awesome,man,that is a-w-e-s-o-m-e.
share the love,baby,share the love,come here al,let me hug ya man.
AL TO MIKE.
er..no thanks,mike.
you could sure do with a wash,mike...or maybe recycle those gross underpants you're wearing.
MIKE TO AL.
sure al.
Hey man,i bought a new Toyota Prius,guess what,al,it's powered by parsnip juice,so i wont just get to eat those parsnips,man,they can power my new
batmobile,hey man,that's awesome.
AL TO MIKE.
well,this interview is coming to its end,mike,
i'm flying several billion miles later on this evening,jeeze,so what if i'm using up more energy than
every single commie factory in eastern china put together,but i'm well on my way to being a trillionaire and
becoming master of the green universe,that's all that counts.
MIKE TO AL.
share the love,baby,share the love.
save all the racoons,man,save all the racoons,brother.
end.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
HANOI JANE FONDA RECOMMENDS HILLARY OR BARACK.
HANOI JANE FONDA,AMERICA'S NUMBER ONE LIBERAL.
hi,i'm hanoi jane fonda,you little people in america know me as the world's greatest oscar winning,movie actress of all time.
excuse me while i put this skin cream on my rough ass,it keeps it more supple and younger.
you know,i get suitcases full of dong(that's the currency of vietnam for all you stupid people in america) for advertising this useless crap.
now,the reason i've agreed to speak to all you american people in your little subprime mess shacks today is this,it don't matter whether we liberals in the united states vote for hillary or barack,we just make sure we vote democrat,you got that?
you do as i tell you,d'ya hear?
this is hanoi jane fonda from her mansion in beverly hills.
now,where's that cream for my self promoting ass?
hi,i'm hanoi jane fonda,you little people in america know me as the world's greatest oscar winning,movie actress of all time.
excuse me while i put this skin cream on my rough ass,it keeps it more supple and younger.
you know,i get suitcases full of dong(that's the currency of vietnam for all you stupid people in america) for advertising this useless crap.
now,the reason i've agreed to speak to all you american people in your little subprime mess shacks today is this,it don't matter whether we liberals in the united states vote for hillary or barack,we just make sure we vote democrat,you got that?
you do as i tell you,d'ya hear?
this is hanoi jane fonda from her mansion in beverly hills.
now,where's that cream for my self promoting ass?
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Madonna and Guy,Celebrity Nobodies.
MADONNA.
Madonna has made it big as a mega pop star,in the movies,on global tv,on the internet worldwide.
Madonna has her own clothing range and now there is a hot rumour sweeping the world that she is to introduce 2 new premium perfumes across the globe next week.
For Her,the perfume is to be seductively named SLAPPER,and for HIM,in honour of her latest partner Guy Ritchie,the perfume is to be launched with the name,DICKHEAD.
Buy them discounted in your local stores,they cost 5 cents a bottle.
Madonna has made it big as a mega pop star,in the movies,on global tv,on the internet worldwide.
Madonna has her own clothing range and now there is a hot rumour sweeping the world that she is to introduce 2 new premium perfumes across the globe next week.
For Her,the perfume is to be seductively named SLAPPER,and for HIM,in honour of her latest partner Guy Ritchie,the perfume is to be launched with the name,DICKHEAD.
Buy them discounted in your local stores,they cost 5 cents a bottle.
WHAT DOES A BOLEX WATCH SAY ABOUT YOU?
A BOLEX watch will never change the world.
We leave that to the Bolexes who wear them.
Hey buddy,have you got the time on you?
We leave that to the Bolexes who wear them.
Hey buddy,have you got the time on you?
Monday, April 7, 2008
DON BERTO OF DRUMCONDRA FORCED TO RESIGN.
Breaking News.
Don Berto of the Drumcondra Low Life Mafia has been forced to resign from his position as Ireland's leading boss...breaking news...Multi-millionaire Don Berto Ahernleone of the Drumcondra Mafia has been forced to resign from his (minimum)300,000 euro a year position...breaking news...Don Berto of the Drumcondra Mafia and former Minister of Dirty Money in the early 1990s insists to his hairy arsed,omerta,tax evading and land scout mafiosi buddies,he hasn't an Irish tax clearance certificate...his former Doll,beauty salon owner Celia Smug isn't bothered she claims..breaking news..Don Berto,mr sleaze of the Drumcondra Mafia claims he did lodge thick wads of Sterling to his non-existent bank accounts but cant remember...breaking news...decent people of Ireland rejoice on the streets of the country.
Don Berto of the Drumcondra Low Life Mafia has been forced to resign from his position as Ireland's leading boss...breaking news...Multi-millionaire Don Berto Ahernleone of the Drumcondra Mafia has been forced to resign from his (minimum)300,000 euro a year position...breaking news...Don Berto of the Drumcondra Mafia and former Minister of Dirty Money in the early 1990s insists to his hairy arsed,omerta,tax evading and land scout mafiosi buddies,he hasn't an Irish tax clearance certificate...his former Doll,beauty salon owner Celia Smug isn't bothered she claims..breaking news..Don Berto,mr sleaze of the Drumcondra Mafia claims he did lodge thick wads of Sterling to his non-existent bank accounts but cant remember...breaking news...decent people of Ireland rejoice on the streets of the country.
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