Prince Philip's Hectic Summer.
Hi Chavs, Wizard Prang,Old Beans,
Prince Philip,Duke of Glascow Rangers,here.
I was at royal Ascot this week with the Old Lady,next week it's Wimbledon.
What,i say,what in the name of Bodger McNulty are our young,pouty-lipped,huge-breasted beautiful english ladyfolk coming to?
I lost count...simply lost ...er...lost count of how many nubile,young fillies i saw standing around in the Royal enclosure
waggling their round,sensuous,erotic,shapely bottoms(many without underwear) at every wealthy top hatted home counties cad in sight.
so it's come to "buy me a sushi dinner and a bottle of Heideseck Champagne
and i'll sleep with you later darling?"
They dont even have the bother of pulling down the drawers.
Rich,Johnny Foreigners everywhere,blast it,Bohemian clientele,i was told,
a bunch of drunks and hookers with fat wallets and stunning or connected women with Philip Treacy hats
and golf course designer johnnies and City hedge fund owners alongside them.
i saw some golfing johnny,NICK FULDO or something standing beside me wearing
an orange upmarket woolworths-type shell suit with matching orange trainers.
he's the english curtis cup captain against the wooden planks next september,he looked like
Marjorie Streep in Out of Africa.
300 years ago,i'd have had the Old Lady have him executed.
brought england down they have,him and his chavvie,impudent,lower-middle-class types.
At least in wimbledon,you dont have to listen to nearly as many niteclub bouncer,cor blimey,fuck me guvnor,proletarian cockney accents.
speaking of hats,a bit of insider information,the colour of the Old Lady's coat on Tuesday matched her drawers(she was wearing them),i can tell you that,would have won me a fortune at Paddy Power bookies
if they laid a price on that,wouldnt it?
next week,it's wimbledon,strawberries and cream and shaking endless hands with slanty eyed asian foreigners
and scruffy krusty the clown types like smelly bob geldof and numerous arse lickers from dubai or siberian russia or somewhere near the Caspian Sea.
the honk of Boots fake tanning lotion can get a bit overwhelming,mind.
not as many chavs as at Ascot.
duke of marmalade my arse.
roll on henley,england v south africa and glyndebourne.
in my next report,i shall give some more information on my forthcoming trip to the Irish Scrubland.
these fenian bastards had the impertinence to vote no against the battle of boyne treaty recently,i shall return to that when my blood pressure calms down.
Slan abhaile.
