GILBERT GILHOOLEY THE WELL EDUCATED IRISH GANGSTER LOVES HIS CIVIL LIBERTIES.
Gilbert Gilhooley here,the well educated irish gangster ..welcome to all our international readers. I'm a Drug Baron by trade,one of a many multitude in this Emerald Isle of ours,this Land of Abundant Sinners and Celtic Plentiful Free Trade in Hard Drugs.
Look,why do I sell massive amounts of heroin and cocaine,it's easy that's why..there's a regular,steady market,a few thousand people die,it comes with the terroritory...but look at your man supposedly running the country,Dirty Bertie..sure what's wrong with me making a few dishonest shillings as well.
Ireland is bulging with criminals and gangsters and hitmen,sure they'll start an apprenticeship course in it soon.. i dont like hard work either,that's why i do it,too and it's rise and shine and up at the crack of noon everyday,which suits me just grand,i like a lie in,i'm a lazy bastard my parole officer used to say to me,before he was shot.
It's the Gardai,the irish police to our internations readers,i feel sorry for,sure i cant remember how many times i've been busted,off to the police station and a few hours later..hey presto,i'm sprung..my lawyer gives them an earful of civil liberites and human rights violations and sure,it's auf wiedersehen,lads,i'm off down the pub in christy's merc i gave him for christmas,a few calls on the mobile and everything's running like clockwork again.
there's more files on me in the director of public prosecutions folder than there are liberals in ballsbridge..and that's millions.. sure us gangsters cant get enough of the civil liberites brigade..you'll be hearing more from me in the future.. remember the name Gilhooley the Gangster.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
JOE GUFFY'S FIVELINE PROGRAMME ON RTE.
This week features JOE GUFFY from RTE Radio's Fiveline programme. RTE stands for Radio Television of Eire,it is the broadcasting organ of Ireland.
This week,we announce the RTE "You're a Lavatory Cleaner Star with Us",this is a new award created to honour the many stars and geniuses working for the State Broadcaster.
In fact,everyone working at RTE considers themselves either a star or a genius. Joe,who has absolutely no talent,and is an increasingly cranky effer,has previously and often received the Bluetongue Award from his popular peers at the station (or should that be the Browntongue Award?).
Joe gets all his ideas for the Fiveline programme from Irish and foreign newspapers and magazines.
As a new born baby Joe was given away by his parents but luckily for him,he was found in a wicker basket on the doorstep of SHOWBUSINESS LEGEND,Gaybo Byrne on the doorstep of Gaybo's palatial Howth Mansion.
Gaybo is a workaholic and a multimillionaire and reputed to own half of the city of Dublin,like the effect of advertising though,he doesn't know which half.
From a young age,Joe Guffy,enthusiastically nodded yes at everything Gaybo told him(whether it was wrong or right) and soon ingratiated himself into the affections of the legendary Gaybo,who is 4 foot 11 inches in height.
Next week,it is the turn of chief political reporter and World Mensa number 1,RTE's Charlie Birdshite to come under the spotlight.
This week,we announce the RTE "You're a Lavatory Cleaner Star with Us",this is a new award created to honour the many stars and geniuses working for the State Broadcaster.
In fact,everyone working at RTE considers themselves either a star or a genius. Joe,who has absolutely no talent,and is an increasingly cranky effer,has previously and often received the Bluetongue Award from his popular peers at the station (or should that be the Browntongue Award?).
Joe gets all his ideas for the Fiveline programme from Irish and foreign newspapers and magazines.
As a new born baby Joe was given away by his parents but luckily for him,he was found in a wicker basket on the doorstep of SHOWBUSINESS LEGEND,Gaybo Byrne on the doorstep of Gaybo's palatial Howth Mansion.
Gaybo is a workaholic and a multimillionaire and reputed to own half of the city of Dublin,like the effect of advertising though,he doesn't know which half.
From a young age,Joe Guffy,enthusiastically nodded yes at everything Gaybo told him(whether it was wrong or right) and soon ingratiated himself into the affections of the legendary Gaybo,who is 4 foot 11 inches in height.
Next week,it is the turn of chief political reporter and World Mensa number 1,RTE's Charlie Birdshite to come under the spotlight.
Let the Yellow Party eat (organic) cake.
LET THE YELLOW PARTY EAT (ORGANIC) CAKE.
Bertie the First,High King of All Ireland and Tinpot Taoiseach receives Tribute and Deference from his lowly sychophantic minions in the Yellow Party and from mayo independent,Lady Macbeth Cooper Flynn.
BERTIE TAKES HIS BLING BEJEWELLED CROWN FROM HIS HEAD AND POLISHES IT WITH HIS SPIT.
EAMON WHINE,MINISTER FOR NO COMMUNICATIONS AND TORTOISE BROADBAND SPEEDS NERVOUSLY APPROACHES BERTIE THE FIRST AND BOWS DOWN LOW BEFORE HIM.
EAMON TO BERTIE THE FIRST.
We come,we come.. Your Highness as Planet Bertie Savers bearing Gifts of greenhouse gas and carbon emissions,ignore the Irish people who say principle is dead in irish politics,O Great One,the irish people are fools.
BERTIE THE FIRST SPEAKS TO HIS SYCHOPHANTS.
Sure i know that,i've codded them on a massive scale for decades..enriched meself,manifold,i have and enjoyed the beautiful trappings of power.
BERTIE THE FIRST TO EAMON,WHO HAS PRODUCED A BICYCLE FROM NOWHERE AND HOPS ON IT.
Stop shaking man,come nearer on your gee whizz bike there ...yeah right ..how boring.. climate change i hear youse fellas want? it's leader change i'm worried about..now pog mo thoin..all of youse,i couldnt give a celia larkin about climate change.
BERTIE TO JOHN GORMLESS,LEADER OF THE YELLOW PARTY.
stop those false teeth of yours clattering,for jaysus sake,gormless..jaysus.. your jobs and heads are safe,the dirt poor of the world will starve even more in the near future if we continue to use food as biofuels for the limos of the multimillionaires like me so i'm told....big deal...have you brought my fairtrade 5000 euro cashmere pin stripe suits to my Drumcondra Castle,john gormless?..good,now pog mo thoin.
JOHN GORMLESS TO BERTIE THE FIRST.
I have,Master, please sir,allow me to doff my hat to you again..and again..the leather covers on the chairs in our plush offices feel so good on our executive arses..i have gifts for you,too,lord,..eco nappy cream and natural slug pellets for the all the worms around you..
SERGEANT TREVOR.former Commander of the Yellow Party to BERTIE THE FIRST.(shouting)
Forgive me,O Bertie,i said i would never serve as commander under you as King,so i just resigned and became sub commander..we just want to save you,Kaiser Bertie,f*** the environment..
BERTIE TO ALL ASSEMBLED.
Silence. I am the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland,I am Bert of the No Tax Cert..i disdain the Peasants of Ireland,all they do is vote for me under my false pretences....they haven't enough bread in their bleedin' pockets? haven't i done enough for them? let them eat organic cake..i am the leader and will stay the leader.. i am not power mad,caligula appointed his horse to the roman senate,sure didn't i appoint eoghan harris to ours.? do youse like me new clothes,eh?
THE COUNTLESS GOOD PEOPLE OF THE SOLDIERS OF DESTINY,PAST AND PRESENT WERE DEEPLY PERTURBED THAT THEIR DECENCY AND GOOD WORK CAME TO NOUGHT AND LOOKED AWAY IN DEJECTION AT THE NAKED EMPEROR.
ENTER MARY HARNEY,THE MINISTER FOR DEATH. BERTIE THE FIRST TO THE MINISTER FOR DEATH.
Howya Mary,how many more thousands of trolleys di ya say we needed? stop quaking there harney,your job is safe....top of the range chaffeured cars,junkets where you want,hols in exotic places when you want..all the posh nosh you can eat and jaysus,you must eat it every 5 minutes with an elephantine arse like yours. you just stay quiet..all youse pds,,yellow party people,what's the indepdendent fella's name..darby o'gill or finian something..me own backbenchers..stay fecking quiet..do NOTHING..
MINISTER OF DEATH TO BERTIE THE FIRST.
thank you Lord.. We need tents as well,Leader..and sleeping bags..for the annoying hospital patients,not just more trolleys,your Greatness.. may i kiss your posterior Master?
BERTIE THE FIRST TO THE MINISTER FOR DEATH. yeah right..let me drop me trousers first.. who's this?
ENTER LADY MACBETH BEVERLEY COOPER FLYNN,SERVER OF THE IRISH PEOPLE AND TAX ADVISOR.
BERTIE THE FIRST TO THE PEASANTS OF IRELAND.
Jaysus,even a shiver went down me spine there.. It's the crass act,daughter of me old buddy,padraig,who unfortunately knows where ALL the bodies are buried...like sean haughey,lady macbeth cooper flynn herself here to pay me homage and look for a job in the Court of bertie the shameless.i better watch meself with this one..
MINISTER FOR DEATH TO BERTIE THE FIRST OF ALL IRELAND. that was so gratifying,kissing your arse,Master of Language Gibberish....now..the audacity of some to suggest you need electrocution lessons.. We must to Doyle Eireann,Viscount Ahern.....
BERTIE TO MINISTER FOR DEATH.
Look i don't mind this Doyle Eireann membership carry on..it's the turning up bit to answer truth finding questions i dont like..in fact,i detest..now push off...i have to speak to me legal team and to me army of accountants and stonewalling experts and to me richly paid tax advisors.. and to me well heeled dig out buddies..me dig out buddies more than anyone..if one of them pigeons turns a stool..there'll be hell to pay.. for me..
END.(hopefully soon for Bertie the Last.)
Bertie the First,High King of All Ireland and Tinpot Taoiseach receives Tribute and Deference from his lowly sychophantic minions in the Yellow Party and from mayo independent,Lady Macbeth Cooper Flynn.
BERTIE TAKES HIS BLING BEJEWELLED CROWN FROM HIS HEAD AND POLISHES IT WITH HIS SPIT.
EAMON WHINE,MINISTER FOR NO COMMUNICATIONS AND TORTOISE BROADBAND SPEEDS NERVOUSLY APPROACHES BERTIE THE FIRST AND BOWS DOWN LOW BEFORE HIM.
EAMON TO BERTIE THE FIRST.
We come,we come.. Your Highness as Planet Bertie Savers bearing Gifts of greenhouse gas and carbon emissions,ignore the Irish people who say principle is dead in irish politics,O Great One,the irish people are fools.
BERTIE THE FIRST SPEAKS TO HIS SYCHOPHANTS.
Sure i know that,i've codded them on a massive scale for decades..enriched meself,manifold,i have and enjoyed the beautiful trappings of power.
BERTIE THE FIRST TO EAMON,WHO HAS PRODUCED A BICYCLE FROM NOWHERE AND HOPS ON IT.
Stop shaking man,come nearer on your gee whizz bike there ...yeah right ..how boring.. climate change i hear youse fellas want? it's leader change i'm worried about..now pog mo thoin..all of youse,i couldnt give a celia larkin about climate change.
BERTIE TO JOHN GORMLESS,LEADER OF THE YELLOW PARTY.
stop those false teeth of yours clattering,for jaysus sake,gormless..jaysus.. your jobs and heads are safe,the dirt poor of the world will starve even more in the near future if we continue to use food as biofuels for the limos of the multimillionaires like me so i'm told....big deal...have you brought my fairtrade 5000 euro cashmere pin stripe suits to my Drumcondra Castle,john gormless?..good,now pog mo thoin.
JOHN GORMLESS TO BERTIE THE FIRST.
I have,Master, please sir,allow me to doff my hat to you again..and again..the leather covers on the chairs in our plush offices feel so good on our executive arses..i have gifts for you,too,lord,..eco nappy cream and natural slug pellets for the all the worms around you..
SERGEANT TREVOR.former Commander of the Yellow Party to BERTIE THE FIRST.(shouting)
Forgive me,O Bertie,i said i would never serve as commander under you as King,so i just resigned and became sub commander..we just want to save you,Kaiser Bertie,f*** the environment..
BERTIE TO ALL ASSEMBLED.
Silence. I am the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland,I am Bert of the No Tax Cert..i disdain the Peasants of Ireland,all they do is vote for me under my false pretences....they haven't enough bread in their bleedin' pockets? haven't i done enough for them? let them eat organic cake..i am the leader and will stay the leader.. i am not power mad,caligula appointed his horse to the roman senate,sure didn't i appoint eoghan harris to ours.? do youse like me new clothes,eh?
THE COUNTLESS GOOD PEOPLE OF THE SOLDIERS OF DESTINY,PAST AND PRESENT WERE DEEPLY PERTURBED THAT THEIR DECENCY AND GOOD WORK CAME TO NOUGHT AND LOOKED AWAY IN DEJECTION AT THE NAKED EMPEROR.
ENTER MARY HARNEY,THE MINISTER FOR DEATH. BERTIE THE FIRST TO THE MINISTER FOR DEATH.
Howya Mary,how many more thousands of trolleys di ya say we needed? stop quaking there harney,your job is safe....top of the range chaffeured cars,junkets where you want,hols in exotic places when you want..all the posh nosh you can eat and jaysus,you must eat it every 5 minutes with an elephantine arse like yours. you just stay quiet..all youse pds,,yellow party people,what's the indepdendent fella's name..darby o'gill or finian something..me own backbenchers..stay fecking quiet..do NOTHING..
MINISTER OF DEATH TO BERTIE THE FIRST.
thank you Lord.. We need tents as well,Leader..and sleeping bags..for the annoying hospital patients,not just more trolleys,your Greatness.. may i kiss your posterior Master?
BERTIE THE FIRST TO THE MINISTER FOR DEATH. yeah right..let me drop me trousers first.. who's this?
ENTER LADY MACBETH BEVERLEY COOPER FLYNN,SERVER OF THE IRISH PEOPLE AND TAX ADVISOR.
BERTIE THE FIRST TO THE PEASANTS OF IRELAND.
Jaysus,even a shiver went down me spine there.. It's the crass act,daughter of me old buddy,padraig,who unfortunately knows where ALL the bodies are buried...like sean haughey,lady macbeth cooper flynn herself here to pay me homage and look for a job in the Court of bertie the shameless.i better watch meself with this one..
MINISTER FOR DEATH TO BERTIE THE FIRST OF ALL IRELAND. that was so gratifying,kissing your arse,Master of Language Gibberish....now..the audacity of some to suggest you need electrocution lessons.. We must to Doyle Eireann,Viscount Ahern.....
BERTIE TO MINISTER FOR DEATH.
Look i don't mind this Doyle Eireann membership carry on..it's the turning up bit to answer truth finding questions i dont like..in fact,i detest..now push off...i have to speak to me legal team and to me army of accountants and stonewalling experts and to me richly paid tax advisors.. and to me well heeled dig out buddies..me dig out buddies more than anyone..if one of them pigeons turns a stool..there'll be hell to pay.. for me..
END.(hopefully soon for Bertie the Last.)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
FIDEL GASTRO,HUGO CHAV AND BERTIE THE FIRST.
THE 3 "SOCIALISTS" or AMIGOS.
It was announced today in Havana that dictator,tyrant and "socialist" Fidel Gastro had approved his pet monkey Roberto as successor to rule Cuba when he dies.
Fidel's aunt Isabella will continue as Minister for Tortillas,and Blanco,Fidel's cat will run the Minstry of Eternal Exploitation and Wealth Creation for the Gastro family into the next century.
Fidel Gastro's brother known as "El Cheato Unbelievablo " by the poor and decent populace of Cuba is to become King of Cuba.He will be known henceforth as "El Cheato Unbelievablo the First."
President,Master and Lord of All Venezuela,Count Hugo Chav, will inherit Fidel's gigantic gold bullion hoard and countless,innumberable numbered Swiss bank accounts.
Ireland's Prime Minister is known as "Bertie the First",a declared "socialist" and helper of the World's Humanity and leader of the unfortunate Irish people.
It was announced today in Havana that dictator,tyrant and "socialist" Fidel Gastro had approved his pet monkey Roberto as successor to rule Cuba when he dies.
Fidel's aunt Isabella will continue as Minister for Tortillas,and Blanco,Fidel's cat will run the Minstry of Eternal Exploitation and Wealth Creation for the Gastro family into the next century.
Fidel Gastro's brother known as "El Cheato Unbelievablo " by the poor and decent populace of Cuba is to become King of Cuba.He will be known henceforth as "El Cheato Unbelievablo the First."
President,Master and Lord of All Venezuela,Count Hugo Chav, will inherit Fidel's gigantic gold bullion hoard and countless,innumberable numbered Swiss bank accounts.
Ireland's Prime Minister is known as "Bertie the First",a declared "socialist" and helper of the World's Humanity and leader of the unfortunate Irish people.
Friday, February 8, 2008
FABIO CAPPELLETTI,Great Britain's Venetian Soccer Manager.
SOCCER/FOOTBALL UPDATE.
What would hardmen of days gone bye like Nobby Stiles,Norman Hunter,Peter Storey,Gary Sobers and Wayne Sleep think about Great Britain's abysmal failure to qualify for football's Euro 2008?
The current crop of multi-millionaire nancy boys like dave buckham,ashley mole,wayne looney and the other anonymous lot are too preoccupied with their slapper WAG girlfriends,smartphones,sat navs in their luxury motors and purchase of homes in Belgravia,Mayfair and Knightsbridge.
No wonder these obscenely overpaid,talentless wasters aren't interested in aspiring to that glorious Summer day in 1956 when the boys from Great Britain crushed Franz Ribbentrop and his krauts at Wembley to lift the World Cup. Sir Alf Ramsey must be very upset at the thought of tax compliant Venetian Fabio Cappelletti in charge of the national squad.What do YOU think about the current crap Great Britain soccer/football squad?You'd pelt them with rotten fruit and jail them?
What would hardmen of days gone bye like Nobby Stiles,Norman Hunter,Peter Storey,Gary Sobers and Wayne Sleep think about Great Britain's abysmal failure to qualify for football's Euro 2008?
The current crop of multi-millionaire nancy boys like dave buckham,ashley mole,wayne looney and the other anonymous lot are too preoccupied with their slapper WAG girlfriends,smartphones,sat navs in their luxury motors and purchase of homes in Belgravia,Mayfair and Knightsbridge.
No wonder these obscenely overpaid,talentless wasters aren't interested in aspiring to that glorious Summer day in 1956 when the boys from Great Britain crushed Franz Ribbentrop and his krauts at Wembley to lift the World Cup. Sir Alf Ramsey must be very upset at the thought of tax compliant Venetian Fabio Cappelletti in charge of the national squad.What do YOU think about the current crap Great Britain soccer/football squad?You'd pelt them with rotten fruit and jail them?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
MOST CRETINOUS AND ANNOYING CELEBRITY CHEF OF 2008.
Comedyblogireland.com
CRETINOUS CELEBRITY CHEF OF 2008.
Who is the biggest "Celebrity" cretinous chef in the whole world?
Who do you think is the most annoying multi-millionaire celebrity chef for instance in england?
Why do people fawn over some self promoting,limelight addicted individual who is a cook?
Submit your vote for Cretinous Chef of 2008,below are some suggestions already submitted by Fanny Craddock and Fanny and Alexander.
Is it porky Marco Pear White,lard-arsed Anthony Squirrel Thompson,quiffy heterosexual Nick Rhodes perhaps?Delilah Smith perhaps,or thug and rabid Glaswegian ranter Gordon Ramsey? Or could it be toff,chicken murderer Hugh Freerange-Witlessness or that Essex nobhead and herb garden sniffer Famie Oliver?
All the above multi-millionaire,ego heads are never off the tv,they are paid fortunes to endorse some industrial supermarket or promote some tasteless or foul chemical-ridden sauce.
Who is the most annoying "celebrity" chef in the united states or lesotho?
(This is a question for our United States and Lesotho readers only.)
Who do YOU think is the most overrated cook in the world?
Why do they crave the limelight,why do they think we should all kiss their arses?
Let's know your opinion.
CRETINOUS CELEBRITY CHEF OF 2008.
Who is the biggest "Celebrity" cretinous chef in the whole world?
Who do you think is the most annoying multi-millionaire celebrity chef for instance in england?
Why do people fawn over some self promoting,limelight addicted individual who is a cook?
Submit your vote for Cretinous Chef of 2008,below are some suggestions already submitted by Fanny Craddock and Fanny and Alexander.
Is it porky Marco Pear White,lard-arsed Anthony Squirrel Thompson,quiffy heterosexual Nick Rhodes perhaps?Delilah Smith perhaps,or thug and rabid Glaswegian ranter Gordon Ramsey? Or could it be toff,chicken murderer Hugh Freerange-Witlessness or that Essex nobhead and herb garden sniffer Famie Oliver?
All the above multi-millionaire,ego heads are never off the tv,they are paid fortunes to endorse some industrial supermarket or promote some tasteless or foul chemical-ridden sauce.
Who is the most annoying "celebrity" chef in the united states or lesotho?
(This is a question for our United States and Lesotho readers only.)
Who do YOU think is the most overrated cook in the world?
Why do they crave the limelight,why do they think we should all kiss their arses?
Let's know your opinion.
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