CELEBRITY GOSSIP FROM THE OULD SOD.

LATEST BREAKING WIND NEWS FROM DUBLIN,IRELAND.

theo walnut scores hattrick for england against croatia,croatian manager slobodon bilge says he wished washed out celeb and crap footballer and floppy handshaker,dave buckham had have played,croatia would have won 5-0.

scientists in geneva have recorded zero and total dark matter in the brains of irish government ministers following the beaming of protons at their heads,halfpint minister for junkets martin cullen came in first on the list of dickheads.


Nouveau CELTIC JACKAL irish multi-billionaire tax avoider Dinny O'Brien has reportedly purchased an "artwork" made from algerian elephant shite from piss artist damien hirst for 2 and a half euro.

roddy doyle,baldy scribbler of illiterate shite and known for cellulite on his baldy slaphead has been selected as a beano comic nominee for shite literature 2008.


amanda drunker,z list irish "celeb" has recorded 100 newtons of buoyancy for her big tits,according to overpaid shitty swiss scientisTS in geneva in swaziland.
miss drunker declined to comment,she was too busy trying to trace a sex video of herself having perky sex somewhere in a rain soaked skerries.does it ever stop raining in this shitty little country?that's ireland,we are talking about by the way.

sharon ni bodhran and bloated ni coffee are 2 of the greatest overpaid pain in the arses(who are they?)they make fortunes in rte,the state broadcaster conning people.
sharon has denied an affair with bloated.

GILBERT GILHOOLEY,IRELAND'S BIGGEST TERRORIST DRUG BOSS IS VERY HAPPY.

GILBERT GILHOOLEY,here,IRELAND's biggest DRUG BOSS.
Listen,things are going fantastic...just fan..tas..tico..we're operating on a scale of hundreds of millions of euro in heroin and other hard drugs,
we're coining it at the minute and sure the Irish Police are forced by the corrupt and incompetent irish government politicians to spend most of their resources on a few hippie and shinner crackpots down in mayo on
the sea to nowhere campaign to stop ireland getting our own natural gas...reduce EVERYBODY'S fuel bills,bring the gas onshore but no chance,sure it's fucking gas.
we just keep the head down,then the rest of the other Irish police have to keep massive amounts of personnel on the few feuding gangs while we
carry on happy as larry in the lucrative drug trade,sure we cant ship or sell enough of heroin,cocaine,crack cocaine and methamphetamine on the streets and in the houses of the land of saints and scholars.. the CELTIC JACKAL is truly up and running.
a few high ranking Irish politicians are good customers for the drugs so they keep the polis off our backs..it's fucking grand,so it is..CRIME PAYS,let me tell you, and fucking very well,
crime doesnt pay is for fucking believers in fairytales.
listen,i've received several hundred thousand emails from our readers recently from all over the globe to say i should be a philosopher...listen up,i AM a fucking philospher..
i combine wisdom from past philosophers such as that vietnamese bloke..what's his name?
CONFUCIUS..
and i was a student of that belgian waffler,jean paul sarte..so there you have it..
i am ireland's leading drug baron and one of its most renowned philatelists..
my lads,all our gang memebers in running the drugs are as happy as shit after beijing...didnt they all watch our boxers at the olympics..great stuff..
bating the shite out of one another and winning medals for it instead of my lads bating the shite out of one another or some other gang..
well done lads... one silver and 2 bronzes..our irish waster athletes are still running around the track in the birds nest stadium,here's dervla o'rourke coming to the finish line at last..
boxing is for the hood areas of ireland and while the boxers were beating the crap out of each other,my lads stayed calm and enjoyed themselves,sure hardened criminals need time off and relaxation too,what do you say?if you dont say yes,we'll be knocking on your door.

NOTE FROM GILBERT.
(the hood areas of ireland are clondalkin and tallaght and finglas,malahide,howth,mount merrion and kilbarrack and jobstown to name but a few.
the shacks in these hood/shanty areas are made mostly of breeze-blocks and corrugated iron,real dumps.
famous irish people who grew up in them include communist author roddy boil and ex disgraced prime minister,bert the squirt ahern and rte's ryan turbid.)
even the donnybrook rte dickheads were congratulating the boxing fans,half of them my lads...reporters and journos kissing their arses for an interview and quote on camera to try and justify their freeloading and sponging in
beijing and at home at the tv licence payers expense..sure sports correspondent "meatballs" murray was stuffing his gob at the olympic village no end with chow mein and chop suey.
dublin must be the easiest city to operate hard drugs in the entire world,you know what,i even feel sorry for the polis.
DUBLIN ,city of poets and dogshite..and comedians..and drug barons.
have a crap day,you'll buy more of my drugs.
fu man chu,get my slippers you bastard,i want to put me feet up and read about this bloke,hagel.

FOXROCK FANNY SPEAKS TO THE IRISH PEOPLE.

It's FOXROCK FANNY here,i must say as a beautiful lady,irish women are sinking to lower and lower levels of scruffiness and unkemptness today..it's unbelieveable darlink.
shitty t shirts and shitty denim jeans everywhere you go..town or country...
madam(that's me) is not happy...i saw glenda gilson,a very plain looking "MODEL" the other day in grafton street dressed in a revolting and cheap woolworths type
shell suit,
now..i know thousands of you will be onto me pointing out she is common and her people are vulgar but really...do any of our irish ladies wear a dress or silk drawers anymore?
every irish lady now wants to be a "celebrity" or "famous",or they are too fat like caroline morahan,a minor broadcaster with some tv station,caroline has an arse so extensive you could land a jumbo jet on it.
all we see in our gutter press is some atrociously dressed skinny slapper posing like a langer and giving the "thumbs up" sign to some dickhead wannabe paparrazzi photographer..it's quite disgusting..i
remember the good old days in ireland when ladies actually referred to their mushy peas at lunch in the shelbourne hotel as guacamole.
"Garcon,garcon,bring me the guacamole and quick."

our irish womenfolk today dress as brownly common and as tacky as leitrim muck,it's been all downhill since el presidente mary "chavez" robinson was in power.
our lady newscasters on the state broadcaster,RTE, dress like mad pelicans exploded in blenders..
tut tut..how common,i shall return to this topic once again next week.
adieu,FOXROCK FANNY.

WORLD AND IRISH CELEBRITY Z-LISTERS AND DRAMA BUNNIES OF 2008.

Breaking wind from CELEBRITY CRAP MAGAZINE.

We have exclusive pics of MADONNA's sweaty buttocks on her current tour where the feminist freak and bulky weightlifter is playing
to empty audiences worldwide.
Later on we have an exclusive interview with ZACH GOLDSTEIN,exclusive colonic irrigationist to the arseholes of the stars.
zach loves himself and is an expert on cheap tans,cheap celebrities,cheap launches and cheap fish.
i'm just cheap,zach says proudly.
zach is considering becoming manager to ireland's international star,BRIAN PORMOND of rte infamy.
also appearing on the show tonight for "charity" are english slapper MICHELLE HEATON who is famous for her brass neck and
brass tits.
you havent heard of michelle?
neither has anyone else except a few columnists with no gossip to report.
ireland where cheap celebs kiss any arse that will get them a mention in a crap popular newspaper.
KATHRYN THOMAS we have heard through the grapevine has dyed her pubic hair dark again,"i've gone back to
my dark roots" KATHRYN gushes to our drunk uninterested reporter.
DAVID BUCKHAM famous chinese footballer and married to skeleton VICTORIA BUCKHAM has announced he will have
the carbon emissions from the crap he talks captured and stored in underground caverns in the kish basin in dublin bay.
david thinks dublin is in north britain and wants to wish all his fans the best,DAVID will be signing autographs
and showing his bare legs and cleavage at his latest comic signing in easons,the bookstore next tuesday.
tragic KATE MOSS will be there with david,MARIAH CAREY,ANGELINA AND BRAD SHITT,JORDAN and her trout pout,
SIMON COWELL,who has all the charm of a peeled bollacks will also attend in his limo.
also there will be numerous sychophants,pr people,camera people,tv producers and legendary reporters from
tv3's expose programme.
simon cowell will explain why he is a shit and makes people puke.
"celebrities" not worth a pot of lukewarn piss.

Prince Philip names 3 Irish Batmen for Queen's Trip to Ireland in 3019.

Prince Philip here,I would like to announce to the World that my wife,Queen Elizabeth the First and I have chosen the 3 Irish batmen
for Her Majesty's visit to Ireland next year.
They are Bodger McNulty,Widler O'Keefe and Knut Svensson.
As well as performing their lowly batmen duties such as the daily kissing od Her Higness's arse the 3 lads will search for drugs that criminals may try to sell to Her Majesty.
We note that another Irish horse,Lanternas has been caught using illegal substances at the Peking olympics.
We understand from my spies in the irish camp,pat hickey and the rest of the irish olympic committee people couldnt care less,they were fine wining and dining and too busy kissing communist arses at the "worker's palace" to be concerned.
We thought they would have learned from cian o'connor and the disgraced and tainted water polo "gold" medalist,Michelle "Pisspot" Smith after her debacle
at the Atlantis Games in 1886.
We must say we think the Irish should be given a Gold Medal for Drugs,they are far better at them than any other nation in the world.
NOTE TO EDITOR:I didnt get my bung money you tight Irish catholic bastard,send it soon or there will be trouble.

Prince Philip confides his exclusive and innermost thoughts to our website:comedyblogireland.blogspot.com

He's in the news again...my "son" Prince charles.
last night in buckingham palace,he invited his wealthy,happy clappy hippy friends over,their nocturnal "guitar" playing
and bongo drum playing from a number of chelsea tractors on the lawn
drove myself and the old lady bonkers.
earlier in the evening,we summoned charlie boy to a meeting in the henry the 8th room but
he informed us through his butler he was "busy talking to my plants".
where does he come up with this shite from?
now if ever the need for a genetically modified brain was necessary,charlo's your man.
when he becomes king of the home counties of southern england,it will be the end of the monarchy,i'm telling you.
as charles's hippy party staggered on into the wee small hours,my spy in his camp informed
me there was wild,unbridled rumpy pumpy going on everywhere.
it's not commonly known naturally but charles is a right goer,a real hanky panker as well as a peddle and cranker and was seen,yes,seen by my personal spy using an organic leek as a butt plug on camilla.
i've never heard the likes of it.
i shall keep the millions of readers of this website informed(the authors just need to bung me a few bob now and again but in euro
not pound sterling,please,that currency is gone to the dogs.)

Prince Philip updates Irish People on Queen Elizabeth's Impending Visit to Ireland.

Prince Philip (Saxe Coburg Gotha),Duke of Glascow Rangers,here,smack my bitch up baby.
I am enjoying immensely my visit to Eastern Ireland,i have passed on my wife's,Her Majesty's,
Queen Elizabeth the 1st's insistence that the ALL irish Catholics must renounce
Pope Gregory the Great as Bishop of Rome and acknowledge her as Defender of the Faith for her visit to go ahead in 2009.
When she arrives in Rosslare next year on the Stena Line Fast Ferry,all Catholics must bow before her and avert their
pikey eyes from meeting hers.
I am enjoying my stay in the capital of Little Ireland,i visited 2 public houses,the Big Mickey on the bog of Allen
and Clancys of Bray in a place called Northern wicklow,where i met with several archdukes,viscounts,
lords,ladies and innumberable irish blueblood piss artists.
It never stops raining in this shitty little country but despite this,the innumerable and successful irish criminals
are happy with their lot.
Ah,here's my English coffee...must run,toodle oo..talk to you Irish peasants soon.
Smack my bitch up,baby,listening to a few sounds right now like Nodger and the Nappies and Westlife.

RTE,Ireland's Broadcaster awarded SPONGERS and FREELOADERS AWARD OF 2008.

Tonight EXPOSURE tv shows all the happy clappy STARS of Irelands television broadcaster,RTE.
Look,there's Donatella Versace lookalike Miriam O'Callaghan with her orange Day-Glo complexion applying another
layer of fake tanning lotion.
Hi Donatella,sorry Miriam..EXPOSURE tv here,is it true,you've recently had your buttocks shaved at a secret Botox Clinic in Donnybrook?
No comment?

Guests are leisurely enjoying a Cocktail and Cupcake reception at the 5 Star Hotel Spongers...holy moly,
there's more RTE legendary,dirty bum wiping SOCIALITIES and more even legendary personalities like MYLES DUNGHEAP,
JOE SCRUFFY,PAT THE SQUATTER KENNY,DON BERTO AHERNLEONE AND ANNE DOYLE,(a couple?).Is Bertie giving tips for the horses to Anne?
She'll be a millionaire in no time.
Pat the Sqautter Kenny is moving from his luxurious,multimillion home in Dalkey to O'Devaney Flats we have been reliably informed.

KRUSTY THE CLOWN has flown over from Bay City in California..hi Dave...DAVE FANNY,
is it really you?
can you give an exclusive quote to EXPOSURE tv Mr Fanny?
Look,there's ubiquitous slappertastic Seoige sisters who will not get their fat arses off television,they are on all the fucking time..

Look,cameraman,focus on Eamon Cokehead,RTE's shite talking,ultra-high net worth multi-millionaire midgeted poker pundit.
Hi Eamon,have you recovered from your recent bout of constipation?
Insiders say you guzzle down more free drink and stuff your little gob with more free food than any other
RTE legend,can you give EXPOSURE tv a quote,Mr Cokehead?

Look,there's Dobby Dobson and Sharon Ni Bawler stuffing their faces with more free food at the expense
of the millions of irish tv license payers..there's AONGHUS MAC GRINNY with designer silk suits and gold spun ties on him that cost more
than 90% of Irish people earn in a decade.

BREAKING NEWS.
Global Santa Fe drillship Artic 2 has spudded a well in the Celtic Sea off Wexford in Ireland this evening..
Germaine Greer,mad Australian bitch has married a hoodie knife wielding metrosexualised transgendered
Kangaroo in Perth,Australia..
England have followed on in their 11th innings after defeat to Nigeria at the Second Test in Sierra Leone.

RTE,work for us and become a Sponger and Freeloader and Broadcaster of SHITE.

UNITED NATIONS in emergency debate on Vile Pong from Irish Rail.

It was announced early this morning that the United Nations is to go into emergency session to debate the vile and unbearable pong from the toilets at Irish Rail's Pearse Street and Bray/Daly stations,amongst others.
Customers who are forced to use the toilets when caught short(for no one in their right mind would use the toilet unless they had to)said it is like being hit by a knuckle duster in the face from a punch from mike tyson,the putrid smell is so bad and there is also a stroboscopic lsd like effect from the lights put in to deter heroin users,this disorientates anyone using the johns.
Irish Rail's overpaid,usless,sleazy,inefficient,cretinous chief executive and management lick arse board of directors said like everyone else in power in ireland,they would NOT put their bollackeses on the table and what do they care if legions of decent people have to use overcrowded,filthy,unpuncutal trains and toilets?
like those responsible for the m50 debacle,they are SCUM.

Tennis,but No Strawberries and Cream.

Modney Bojangles,Gangster dreams about Wimbledon.

I'm stuck down here in alicante since i clobbered fatso kelly,the boss Mr Gilhooley ordered me
to stay put in this inferno for another couple months.
spain is shite..
i'm having nightmares all the time as well as being bored out of me tree.
i cant even drink heavy in case the spanish polis start sniffin around looking for
a chance to bring me down the local nick.
i can't sleep...i cant sleep i tell ya..
last night,i dreamt i was in bed with tennis player,serena williams,she was buck naked,totally
starkers..and then...and then the bedroom door opens with a creak so loud,you could hear it
in louisiana..in walks serena's sister,venus williams,buck naked too..with a strap on dildo on her.
she says,the heat is stifling,ain't it white boy? but i'm still up for it,now bend over...
well,i woke up soaked in sweat and i think i was screaming,i'm not gonna watch another minute of
that fucking tennis at wimbledon..it would do me head in...totally i mean..

Dublin's Unfair City.

howya or hi to our international readers,GILBERT GILHOOLEY, ireland's greatest and biggest gangster,here.
Decided to walk home to my 18 million pad in ballsbridge in the posh part of Dublin tonight.
You know,break in the new crocodile loafers from salvatore ferragamo,Fatso Kelly,me chaffeur,
left me off from the S Class Merc at the bottom of dublin's most famous shopping street,Grafton Street.
Jaysus,there's beggars and drug addicts all over the place,roma gypsies shovin their abused brats and their
paper cups in your face,they're worse than irish politicians lookin for dig outs.
I'm on the Champagne lately,strollin up to the Shelbourne Hotel for a few flutes is my latest recreation,this poxy beer is knockin me
off course for a couple days after due to the massive hangovers.
I said to Fatso Kelly,i'm drinking a few flutes of champagne lately,he said what's a flute got to do with drinking?
Ignorance is bliss,i thought to meself.
It's the beer,Fatso,i said,it's knockin the fuckin guts outta me,Champagne doesnt give me a hangover.
Champagne is like ..it's like wine,is it?Fatso said.
I said,yeah Fatso,it's like ...wine,made from bananas from different countries..
what countires,Fatso asked.
Italy,the Ivory Coast,south Korea mainly..what a thick bastard and he's my Capo..
anyway,dublin's suburbs are full of dog turds,at least grafton street is a quarter clean,
dirty dublin is right.
over there,there's a dopey Dublin Corporation totally uninterested "worker" pushing a Madvac cleaning machine along at minus 2 miles per hour,
wearin his manky Man U football shirt,if he had the machine stolen off him and shoved up his arse,he wouldnt even notice.
there's more bleedin bicycle-riding,rickshaw-pulling chinese in dublin than there are in fucking beijing,too..
i think i'll go to polish lessons,me kids'll have to speak polish in 10 years..still,they buy my smack,mustnt
be "racist",eh?
anyway,mustnt be grumpy,either,it's a lovely,sunny evening as i step into the jacks(toilets)
here at dublin's famous pearse street irish rail station before boarding the train for ballsbridge,get away from the riff raff and litter clogged dublin.
jaysus,holy jaysus,the stink in the men's jacks would stop a herd of rampaging rhino in its wake..
no bog paper,the loos are filthy and havnt seen a cleaner since 1871,the purple light to stop the junkies injecting would blind a guide dog,
christ,let me out of here,fuck craig doyle,advertising those useless bone polishers lying that their
trains are like the luxury orient express from london to vienna..
where's me mobile,where's me mobile? the stink is fucking ferocious.
Fatso,is that you,get up to pearse street dart station,fucking NOW.

"Celebrity" Crap Magazine Latest.

CELEBRITY" crap magazine latest including SHEITLING watch endorsement from John Travalta.

Max from Deadenders beds donkey.

Jen from Friends is to play a bottom wiping,attention seeking nymphomaniac in her next hollywood role,i love it,Jen gushes.

Jordan and Pete invite Celebrity Crap Magazine readers into their toilet for an exclusive tour.

Common as Muck Victoria Buckham denies she is to undergo vaginal retightening and labial reshaping in a wiltshire
shed next month.

Mad Mariah Carey is to have her gigantic ego repaired and reconstructed according to sources deep within
Mariah's virginity.

this month's celebrity endorsements include john travalta advertising the world famous SHEITLING Navitimer,the instrument for
arseholes,wacky john travalta is a movie actor who pushes his weird cult scintology on a poor few unfortunates who dont know better.
travalta bases his opinions of scintology on an episode of Star Trek,in which Lietenant O'Hura has a severe attack of flatulence.
dont buy the sheitling watch,it's crap anyway.

also,do NOT buy french overpriced crap from louis vuitton because hippie and heroin user and ugly sight,keith richards from the
rolling stones endorses it.
some things cant be put into fucking pictures,keith richards is a dirty old fucker.


just in,donkey denies it is to marry max.

Prince Philip of Germany Meets Golfer,Nick Maldo at Royal Ascot,amongst Others.

Prince Philip's Hectic Summer.

Hi Chavs, Wizard Prang,Old Beans,
Prince Philip,Duke of Glascow Rangers,here.
I was at royal Ascot this week with the Old Lady,next week it's Wimbledon.
What,i say,what in the name of Bodger McNulty are our young,pouty-lipped,huge-breasted beautiful english ladyfolk coming to?
I lost count...simply lost ...er...lost count of how many nubile,young fillies i saw standing around in the Royal enclosure
waggling their round,sensuous,erotic,shapely bottoms(many without underwear) at every wealthy top hatted home counties cad in sight.
so it's come to "buy me a sushi dinner and a bottle of Heideseck Champagne
and i'll sleep with you later darling?"
They dont even have the bother of pulling down the drawers.


Rich,Johnny Foreigners everywhere,blast it,Bohemian clientele,i was told,
a bunch of drunks and hookers with fat wallets and stunning or connected women with Philip Treacy hats
and golf course designer johnnies and City hedge fund owners alongside them.
i saw some golfing johnny,NICK FULDO or something standing beside me wearing
an orange upmarket woolworths-type shell suit with matching orange trainers.
he's the english curtis cup captain against the wooden planks next september,he looked like
Marjorie Streep in Out of Africa.
300 years ago,i'd have had the Old Lady have him executed.

brought england down they have,him and his chavvie,impudent,lower-middle-class types.
At least in wimbledon,you dont have to listen to nearly as many niteclub bouncer,cor blimey,fuck me guvnor,proletarian cockney accents.

speaking of hats,a bit of insider information,the colour of the Old Lady's coat on Tuesday matched her drawers(she was wearing them),i can tell you that,would have won me a fortune at Paddy Power bookies
if they laid a price on that,wouldnt it?
next week,it's wimbledon,strawberries and cream and shaking endless hands with slanty eyed asian foreigners
and scruffy krusty the clown types like smelly bob geldof and numerous arse lickers from dubai or siberian russia or somewhere near the Caspian Sea.
the honk of Boots fake tanning lotion can get a bit overwhelming,mind.
not as many chavs as at Ascot.
duke of marmalade my arse.

roll on henley,england v south africa and glyndebourne.
in my next report,i shall give some more information on my forthcoming trip to the Irish Scrubland.
these fenian bastards had the impertinence to vote no against the battle of boyne treaty recently,i shall return to that when my blood pressure calms down.
Slan abhaile.

Rip Off from the Irish National Lottery.

It could be you but you know damn well,it wont be you.
Make one usually already well off or rich person obscenely richer,instead of spreading the cash around hundreds/thousands of irish/non-irish people by distributing much larger prizes for 3,4, and 5 winning numbers.
Also gaining from this rip off are voice over actors for the National Lottery on television and radio/media and bone polishing "hot,hippie copywriters" from advertising agencies who invent garbage advert campaigns.
anyway,we're off to buy our lottery ticket,if we dont win it,we hope you do.
Good Luck.

Brave People of Cuba,Rise Up.

Brave people of Cuba,throw out the communist shitheads who give your people failed marxist slogans and garbage.
Bury the corrupt political system along with the arseholes,Fidel and Raul Castro who have enslaved the good and decent citizens of Cuba for the sake of their own self enrichment and self advantage.
Your beautiful country has been exploited and shackled for decades since the degenerate criminal,Fiddler Castro took power.
Kick the dirty commie bastards out of Cuba.
And how long before the good,decent citizens of Venelzuela put the titanic-egoed little bandit,Hugo Chavez into jail?
Get rid of the criminal Castro brothers,hugo Chavez,devil Robert Mugabe and North Korea's sinister,little mad despot,Son of Sam to start with.

Carla Bruni of France to release "my 4000 plus lovers" album.

Pierre Onions,here,bonjour,chevre chaud basquaise.

we,french,are world champions at spoofing and self promotion and talking shite.oui?

me?
i am france's greatest celebrity columnist,oui...i write for the beano and its french equivalent,le figaro..oui,non,oui?
we french never stop f***ing ouiing..non?oui?
today,i write about slicky nicky sarkozy and his current bedroom companion,chanteuse,not tonight,carla bruni.
oui,oui..i need to wee,here carla speaks to you:

carla bruni:
below is the "poetry" from my new album being released outside the eifel Tower in Lyon today.

I am a french slapper,i may dress well and look very dapper.
i am a french tart,despite my 4000 plus lovers,a scrapper,
liasions with hundreds of (piss) artists and politicians,i am a useless fashion conscious rapper.
oui?

pierre onions says:
it's not true everyone was in the "french resistance",in fact the vast majority of french people were collaborators with yellow streaks down their backs and
stopped kissing the nazi arses only when the tide turned against the germans and their many cowardly french pals in world war 2.

thierry henry is expected to line out for france in the right back position against the vichy republic tomorrow,estee lauder,l'oreal and faberge will all line out in midfield.
napolean bonaparte is the lone forward.

st joan of arc is turning in her grave.

SOCCER REFEREES,STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS.

STAND UP FOR FOOTBALL REFEREE'S RIGHTS.

Does the name Simao mean much to you?
No,nothing,however he has joined Italy's Luca Toni in Euro 2008's soccer championship as the biggest and
most useless bone polisher footballer of the Euro 2008 soccer tournament so far.
we sat on our couch at home watching portugal versus the czech republic and we did more there for portugal's cause having a few beers and eating popcorn
than Simao
did during the game out on the pitch.
he must have come out of a jet rejection propulsion laboratory in lisbon.

In breaking news,Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel has exclusively informed this website that
a row has broken out in the German team's camp,General Kapitan Michael Ballack has point blankedly refused an order to
be sent to the russian front,herr ballack said Achtung,scheise Englander in der Luft,he would defintely face croatia,in a tank if he had to.
Chancellor Merkel said wouldnt it be great if all these whinging,moaning,complaining overpaid "superstar"
footballers at euro 2008 were knocked out with a rabbit punch from a referee when one of them started snivelling and arguing about a throw in or
corner or foul.
Wouldnt it be great,millions watching all over the world as some devious international footballer on 50 grand a week starts gesticulating to the ref and
claiming a free kick for himself when it was him,the bastard,who blatantly committed the free kick in the first place.
Whack,the referee decks him,the referee gives himself the red card and off he goes for an early shower and into history for services rendered to fairness and
Mankind.

News just in,big phil scolari will become the new manager of chelsea tractors after euro 2008,big phil gave an off the record
quote to this website saying his first action as new manager of chelsea tractors would be to have simao shot.

tip to all our gambling readers around the 5 continents,switzerland will not win euro 2008,nor will england.
short both switzerland and england.

Calling Italy,Come in Italy Soccer Players at Euro 2008.

EURO 2008.

The Irish People have sent condolences to the italian prime minister,julius caesar,on italy's 3-0 drubbing
at the hand of netherland's orange protestants in berne in swaziland at the euro 2008 soccer championship tonight.
prime minister,julius caesar communicated back his profuse thanks to this website which is gratefully read by 50 million italians every day
and expressed the view that
italy's useless centre forward luca toni was a heap of shite who cant even use his right foot.
what has this 50,000 euro a week cretinous footballer done on the training field for the last 10 years,has he not
bothered even once to practise using his right foot?
Luca,totally left footed, can get away without using his right foot at bayern munich who play in the sub-standard Bundes Wehr in Germany,Fritz Beckenbauer's old team are crap but you can't get away with that against the dutch bastards.



We break at this point for an advertisement.

the 3 dirty Gaffers.
we see johnny piles,former irish football manager dressed up like a pervert in a silk
cravat that's bigger than he is.
we also see jack the giraffe charlton and mick mcmanus,both former irish team soccer managers
lasciviously ogling young pretty italian girls in shorts playing football in italy.
the beer they are promoting is vile and any self respecting italian wouldnt drink this yellow urine.
emperor slipperio berlusconti said he would conduct an immediate inquiry into italy's disgraceful defeat
tonight and would ask the 3 gaffers for an invite to watch these young nymphettes as he was a dirty old man too.

Gilbert on the Golden Mile talks about Beer.

Gilbert,here,Gilbert Gilhooley,ireland's second biggest gangster after Don Berto.
i'm down taking a holiday on the Golden Mile in Marbella in Spain.
the heat is savage..it's 2am in the mornin and it feels like f***ing inside the oven at
johnston,mooney and o'brien's bread baking factory it's hotter than a fucking heatwave on mars.
Verstehen Sie?
i'm tryin to eat me donner kebaberella but it's too hot for me tongue..jaysus..the sweat is drippin off me..i miss bray where i'm from
and havin a few gargles in clancys wilder than the wild west fightin bar.
great fights in there,fantastico,mucho fantastico..i'm too old for all that shite now..
yeah,it's this big brand beer i can't stand...carlsberg,bud weiser,heineken, full of chemicals and tasteless..
like it's been strained through a venereal diseased turkish wrestler's jockstrap..fucking bin juice seepage from a ballyfermot sewer.
as for the guinness down here,blacker than tiger wood's arse,three of my lads drank it from an improperly flushed beer tap,they were on the crapper
for 4 days and we couldnt shift an ounce of coke,not that syrupy californianly piss that's sold all over the globe,the real stuff..
this globalisation and big anonymous brand muck is poisoning us all ..
listen,i have a short fuse but i'm a loyal man,i'm a good boss,i saved modney bojangles's cat's life..his cat is called
tiddles..you think i'm joking,dont you?
serious,i just knew him 15 years ago when we were like...young bucks in the trade..tiddles followed me into
clancys,there were a few cream crackers(note from editor:that cockney london rhyming slang for irish travellers or gypsies)
one of the cream crackers was about to stamp on tiddles as a sick joke and i confronted him..the cream crackers backed off
and i brought tiddles home and left him with me da who was alive then.
modney bojangles hasnt stop lickin me arse since and he's a good and loyal memeber of the band..
jaysus,the english chavs down here and the amount of east european honky tonk brassers is unbelieveable..
you can buy furniture for nothing,empty interior design shops all over the kip..there's more tat and fake designer everything here than in
fucking finglas(dublin hood area).
Golden Mile my bollacks,the sultan of Brunei has an elaborate spread beside mine.. they wouldnt let him onto, dont mind play at my golf course,the k club
i can tell you that..i've never seen a camel on my course,i was goin to talk to you about golf but this fucking heat..
garcon,bring me your best bottle of champagne,this beer is piss...

Don Berto spits in face of Irish People.

IRISH THEATRICAL EVENT OF THE DECADE.

"Don Berto" by Special Arrangement
With the Drumcondra Mafia,
Numerous Other Liars and Paid Flunkies
And Mafia Doll,Selia Barkin.
Catch it Down at the Mahon Tribunal at Dublin Castle.
Don Berto,soon to have his feet sunk in Cement Shoes.